Saying Goodbye

Peter, "Nana" and Anne

Spring 2004

Nana on her 89th Birthday (May 2009).

It's been a roller coaster of a week (and it's only Wednesday). My children and I enjoyed a fun field trip/getaway on Monday and Tuesday that was made bittersweet by the news that my Grandma ("Nana") was put in the hospital for pneumonia and dehydration. Nana has slowly been going downhill for the last 9 years. Her decline began with a nasty fall that broke her hip, and leg in several places. Since then she has had many falls, several broken bones and began suffering from dementia/Alzheimer's. With each broken bone the recovery takes longer and she losses some of her strength. Our family cared for Nana as long as we could, but she's been in a nursing home for the past four and a half years. Lately, she has been refusing to eat or drink even with us feeding and trying to coax her. It seems that she's just given up. When she was hospitalized, she weighed just 95 lbs!

My Grandma had a difficult childhood. She was the youngest child of five and the only one left at home when her father suddenly died when she was four years old. From then on her and her mother had no permanent home; they took turns living with each married sibling. Grandma was not one to shower her children with a lot of warmth and acceptance. I believe that she could not give what she had not received as a child, but she did the best that she could. As you can imagine, this lack of had affection had a profound impact on her children. For some reason, what Grandma couldn't give to her children, she could give freely to her grandchildren. I always felt loved by her. I have fond memories of her reading to me, cooking with her and going to church with her. She gave me my first Bible, sang "churchy" kid songs with me and taught me about Jesus. I spent many fun weekends with her while I was growing up.

The progression of Alzheimer's has been a blessing to my father in some ways. Even though it's very hard to see your mother go downhill mentally and physically, she has been warm and affectionate to him during the past several years. My father has commented on more than one occasion that he has received more love from his mother since she's been in the nursing home than he received in all his growing up years. I'm glad he has had the chance to see this side of her because I know she really does love him. Why are the wounds of childhood the hardest to overcome?

It has become obvious to us that Nana is slowly slipping away. We are taking turns staying with her night and day. She isn't really talking anymore, but this afternoon when she briefly opened her eyes, I told her that I loved her. She mouthed "I love you too." to me and then kept making a gesture with her mouth (sort of mumbling something) so I leaned over and put my ear near her mouth so I could hear what she was saying. She leaned up and kissed me on the cheek! I'll never forget that moment. I'll miss Nana when she's gone, but because she placed her faith and trust in Jesus, I know she'll be in Heaven and I'll get to see her again someday. My prayer is that she makes a smooth as transition as possible. I just don't like seeing her in pain. Please keep her and my family in your prayers.